Losing and keep losing.

After three losses I think I'm getting stronger yet I'm still hoping for the best this time.

My first experience of losing was after Eid 2016 around July I didnt realise that I was pregnant until a day after I had checked with home kit UPT. It was too late the day after I started having  bleeding and he was gone.

It was all the same with my second and this time we only managed to survive until 4 weeks. It was so heartbreaking and I think this was the time I felt so down and hopeless.

For the third time, just after we embarked on a new journey in 2017 I lost it once again. This time it was the farthest of the two unsuccessful pregnancy. Baby was measured 7weeks with hearbeat when we first went in for ultrasound. But after about 2 weeks we went to see the doc again and this time no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing. I went to Taiping Columbia Asia Hospital and again underwent another ultrasound and it was the same sad news. I'm in despair but I couldnt cry maybe because of the previous miscarriage that ive confronted.

So, the next day on 8 Feb 2017 we turned up for D&C procedure and at that moment I was all calm and ready. Total cost for D&C procedure at Columbia Asia Taiping was RM3100 which was not covered by Prudential Health Enrich.

Indeed Allah is the best planner of all. I believe that these happened for reasons and I surrender myself to His plan.

First precious things

We have been delaying preparing essential stuff for baby and yesterday out of nowhere I insisted on buying something for our baby. I think we need a kick-start to arouse our excitement. So, we seriously became over-excited looking at all cute baby stuffs. And I ended up buying a pair of cute pj's for baby and also a pair of mittens and booties. Since we are not sure whether we're going to have a boy or a girl so I think we better start doing serious shopping after confirming it with our doctor end of this month. I'm all excited to do 3D scan next two weeks. Can't wait to see her/his face. May Allah protect our baby and grant him/her perfect shape and good health. AMIN.

Raya 2014.

Assalamualaikum WBT my dear blog that I have neglected for a month. : p
So this year my lovely husband and the most kind man on earth that I love so much sacrifice his moment celebrating raya with his family and we celebrated our first raya as husband and wife with my family. Not to forget with little baby inside and my lovely siblings, niece and nephews. I feel so happy and I'm thankful to have the most understanding man on earth as my husband. Thank you ALLAH. Eventhough he is not perfect but I always pray that Allah will always guide us to the right path. May Allah's blessing be with us always. I'm so happy and thankful that Allah has given me another chance to experience Ramadan this year with growing little soul in my tummy. Alhamdulillah.

My happy family on 1st Syawal 1435H :)

Of 2nd trimester.

2nd trimester is gladly fantastic because of the energy that is being withdrawn from the sickening 1st trimester.
My smell ability is getting better and nauseous routine disperse with the wind.
I feel so grateful feeling more energetic despite having to bear backache and feeling a little bit heavier than before.
Overall, I thanked Allah S.W.T for giving me this opportunity to experience this.
I'm enjoying relaxed and calm life after being freed by maktab's charm.
Now waiting patiently to be posted somewhere in Perak near to my other half. Hihi. Aminnn
Hoping for the best in our life and hopefully little one in my tummy will grow healthily and safely delivered this coming Dec. 
Bye for now.  :)

Happy mother's day!

Assalamualaikum w.b.t
So long my dear  blog. I've been juggling with life and I spent most of the time delaying works and rushing here and there.
Just got back from Bina Insan Guru at Pangkor and it was fun but tiresome.
Done repaying lost sleep and recovering energy.
I'm back in IPG Ipoh to attend class tomorrow.
Counting days to finish this journey, with small little me inside my tummy.
Hopefully, we'll make it through and soon my workplace will be near to husband's.  Aminnn. That's all for now.
Will write more soon. Really soon.
When I'm free from lectures and this place. :)

3 months

We are in the process of settling down.
Buying things for our rented house and started to complete our life together. 

I'm hoping to have our own house maybe next year. InsyaAllah.
and I really treasure this experience.
Being with the one that I really love.
Alhamdulillah. There's no other word that I could utter now.
I hope that we can complete ourselves and improve ourselves from time to time.
InsyaAllah.

Practicum

Practicum makes me dizzy.
I'm currently feeling very weak.
I can't wait to finish off all of this.
April please come faster because I want to be free from lesson plans and stuffy classroom.
I don't mind being jobless because my brain would not be overhault and I'm free from stress. 
I don't have to face traffic jam and reckless driver who loves to go faster than rocket.
Practicum life is strangling me.
Faster faster time.
Please. .

2014. 25 years old me.

It's a bit too late to wish Happy New Year.

Updating this blog seem to be pushed over by other trivial things such as watching korean movies. 

So here I am now wishing to share my 2014 resolutions.

First and foremost, graduate and attend my convocation! but I need to do well in practicum, SPP interview and then after that my degree is guaranteed. 

Second, get posted somewhere in Ipoh near to my husband. InsyaAllah. Pray for me.

Third, well expecting my first offspring late this year or somewhere early next year (2015) heehuu.

Fourth, buy massage chair the octopus kind of massage chair I saw on tv for daddy with my first salary. jyeahhh. as well as new phone for mommy. InsyaAllah.

Fifth, be a good wife and daughter.

Sixth, live happily with my husband and planning for masters. 

Well, there's a lot of thing in my mind and all of the above might only be half of it.

All in all, I wish I will be a good muslimah and sticking to my 5 times daily prayers closely. and pray early as possible. 

Sincerely, 

Me

Being married :)

Firstly, Alhamdulillah I am now Puan Siti Aminah. Officially married to Mohd Afandi Bin Mat Hassan my fiancé my 'friend' since 5 years back. Everything is settled now and we are now in a phase of settling down. For the time being, we live in my husband's rented house in Ipoh and InsyaAllah until I am done with my study. I really hope that this marriage will be everlasting and full of Allah's blessing. Amin.

I have entrusted my sister, Suhaila Tailor to custom made my nikah and wedding dresses. I am satisfied and happy.  Perfectly suit my simplistic and minimalist style yet nice. For me of course. Hihi. So will share some of the pictures that I've snatched from my cousin.

Be grateful.

Be grateful of what you have and most importantly be grateful that you're still alive.

Allah S.W.T has granted you another day in your life to prepare yourself for today and hereafter.

I was given idea to write something about this when some of my friends actually discussing about marrying a wealthy man in order to secure luxurious future. 

Well, I don't know how to say it but it depends on how you perceive life.

As for me, I never expect myself to be rich by marrying the inheritor or something like that.

I always focus on myself, my achievement and my own money.

Preferably, I want to achieve better life together with my husband.

It's like we actually work for our future together and the word "cuci kaki" never exists in my dictionary.

There's nothing wrong to dream of having wealthy husband and living your life luxuriously, maybe it's better not to put your expectation too high and to be obsessed with your dream.

It's dangerous. Logically, when your dream or expectation is not being fulfilled you will fall into pieces. 

Hence, be grateful of what you have now and then. Learn to instill "qanaah" in your life. Alhamdulillah

Peace :)

Birthday party.

Looking at the title, yes! I'll be talking about my birthday party.

I am officially 24 years old on 7th October 2013.

I hate birthday and the day before my birthday I intentionally go on facebook and hide my birthday.

Because I don't know why, but I hope that no one will actually notice my birthday. 

The night before 7th October I was here on my bed in IPGM Ipoh. 

I know that my friends gonna ambush my room and start shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

But, on a second thought I think that they won't remember because we have LTP assignment to be submitted the next day and people were crazily speeding to finish their lesson plans etc etc.

That's what I'm doing too. Alya, me and Nad were so busy whining that we had so much to do.

When the clock striked 12 am I made a move and went outside pretending to talk on the phone with nobody. haha

But, the ambience around my room is too arficial that I can smell their hidden plan.

Thinking that everyone got so much work to do I rushed back into my room and then they started singing. See, told you I know that they would do that. With a slice of melted blueberry cheesecake that I managed to feed everyone with until its finished we called it a day. My birth day. 

The next day I went out with my fiance, my roomate nanad and my so-called neighbor to dataran MBI and we had dinner there. I just simply spouted that I want cake for my birthday but Mr A never replied anything. Then we rushed back and yeah we called it a day again without any celebrations for me. sobs! Come 8 Oct and I really did not expect anything anymore. I just feel like going out to Watson to get some toiletries and stuff. Nanad went out with my other friend with the reason that they want to eat sushi and they didn't even invite me like I don't know why. Rinie just said that "Kak ct (me) must be going with fendi (Mr A) right? ". I didn't say anything and I thought maybe yes because I want to go to Watson. So around 5pm, Mr A called and asking me to go out with him and I said yes because I want to buy something. He arrived and he told me that his sister was in Ipoh and she wanted to meet us at JJ Ipoh. I didn't smell anything weird at all because I thought that she was here like usual. 

We arrived at JJ but Mr A was delaying and started doing something else and he didn't want to enter and it's warm outside the car and I felt so annoyed with him. After 10 minutes, he said let's go in and meet his sister in the cold storage section. The cold storage section is somewhere near KFC and other restaurants. Swiftly, he went straight into KFC and I was shouting to him but he ignored me and I followed him feeling so annoyed and angry a lil bit. Then, I saw bunch of familiar faces waiting and started singing Happy birthday song. I've been fooled by them! Happy and annoyed at the same time. 

Thank you sayang and my friends for throwing this surprise party. 

I really love you all. Like so much. 

So, I want to keep some pictures here. <3

heart you all! 

I look preggy! NOOOO!but Alya looks so cantik. 

me and Jamie <3

me and him. :)

My birthday cake. Thanks Mr A <3

Till then. Bye 

Rindu UK. Lame isn't it?

When you're in the UK, you posted here and there I wanna go home.
Now, you're home then you started updating facebook and twitter saying that you miss Coventry.
I know it's quite confusing but that's the thing with human,
We will never manage to satisfy ourselves. Trust me.
So, don't blame me. I hope that I could go there again with my hubby and children next ten years maybe. Amin. (I'm going with hubby first. hehe)
Long wayy to go. Need to save up money first.
I hope Coventry is doing fine without me. heee
and I miss Birmingham too, my favourite place to do window shopping and a little shopping. :p
People kept on judging us just because we simply uttered "I miss UK".
Come on man, you just don't know how it feels.
So, LET THEM BE! because we actually updated our own fb and twitter, not yours right?
SO, if you don't like it you're pleased to not even look at it. hoho.

Engagement day

Assalamualaikum my 'this is not my diary'.
I'm writing now as someone's fiance. Alhamdulillah  :)
I'm so grateful that everything went well and our family actually get to know each other better.
I'm truthfully happy to see my dad's smiles throughout the day.
We were engaged on 14th September morning , like seriously very early for my family.
We were so messed up and in chaos when Mr A and his family arrived.
I was on my way to pick up 'hantaran' after finished make over session somewhere nearby.
Trying very hard to find someone who can do natural touch up and yeah I think that's ok for certain people.
I purposely wiped the orangey lipstick because it's too bright for me. LOL
We just had a simple ceremony and again I feel so grateful that we managed to come this far.
Thank you uya, mak , tok, teh, cik and all my siblings.
So, here some pictures to be immortalized here. hihi

Out and about in Malaysia.

July went away saying goodbye without me realising it,
Ramadhan came and I've been too busy juggling between work and daily life in Ipoh,
Syawal appeared and now it's coming to an end too.
I have so many things in mind but there are so many challenges that accompanied my plans.
I still hope for the best things to appear and make me feel surpriseddd.
Been busy with works but still got the chance to roam around Ipoh and heal my hay-wired brain.
Feeding some fish at Gunung Lang make me feel relieved and at peace even just for a moment.
I just want to finish my degree and start working soon!

Progression to final year ceremony.

Assalamualaikum everyone.

So, on 12th of June 2013 I have received my progression certificate for final year.

This is only a small event for all Teslians Cohort 2 and we will only have our graduation next year on June or July after completing another year in IPGM Ipoh the place where we did our foundation course for two years (2008-2010).

Three years seem to be a blink of eye and I'm still confused now and start questioning what have I done for the past three years apart from travelling from UK to KL and vice versa and also travelling to other Europe countries. 

This three years' wonderful experience will remain in my heart forever.

Journey of struggling to live without my parents nearby and they are thousand miles away from me.

I can only meet them with 13 hours journey by flight.

This experience really teach me a lot about life.

After 10 days I will back to Malaysia and after two weeks break I will continue my joourney there.

Journey to acquire a scroll of degree and making my parents proud of me.

I'm gonna miss Coventry so much but life must go on.

Hope we can meet again next time England. :(

Of Paris, Eiffel Tower and my iphone.

Assalamualaikum to myself.
I just got back from Paris and this is my short trip before going back to Malaysia forever and ever.
I'm not coming back here again next October.
I'll be stucked in Ipoh completing my another year of 6 years TESL degree.
Ok back to business, Paris is a hectic place and I don't like it seriously.
There's too many social problems such as beggars everywhere and crime rate is worsening.
Quite similar to Kuala Lumpur the place where I don't really like either. hee
However, this city is so beautiful in a way that it touches your heart (complicated to explain it here but this is what I felt) and there's so many things to explore but we only get the chance to visit Arch de triumph, Eiffel Tower and Louvre Museum.

This is where I lost my Iphone :(

Museo De Louvre

PARIS

Nad and Kakya

Lourve Museum